Inside the Mind of a Hostage Negotiator | Chris Voss | On The Homefront

Brief Summary
In this masterclass episode, Jeff Dudan sits down with legendary FBI hostage negotiator turned business coach Chris Voss, to explore the art and science of negotiation. From tactical empathy to dynamic silence, Chris unpacks how real-world hostage negotiation tactics apply directly to business, leadership, and even personal relationships. Packed with actionable insights, stories that didn’t make the book, and high-stakes principles, this episode is a must-listen for anyone who wants to communicate better, negotiate stronger, and lead with clarity.
Key Takeaways
- Tactical empathy wins: The ability to genuinely make people feel understood is the key to unlocking collaboration, trust, and successful outcomes—personally and professionally.
- High anchoring is risky: Contrary to popular belief, extreme opening offers often blow up deals and lose money. Let the other side go first to gather better intel.
- Real negotiation is invisible: Done right, people don't even realize you're negotiating. They just feel heard, seen, and comfortable enough to share what matters most.
- Negotiation is emotional, not logical: Labeling emotions and using mirroring techniques calms anxiety, diffuses tension, and gets to the truth faster.
- You can't save every deal: Sometimes, the outcome is predetermined. Recognize the “killing journey” and take your best shot—but know when to let the universe decide.
- Let go of outcome obsession: Clinging to a predetermined goal creates tunnel vision and missed opportunity. Zen-like detachment opens the door to better outcomes.
Featured Quote
“Take the time to make someone feel understood—and see where that takes you.”
– Chris Voss
TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the Homefront with Chris Voss
Jeff Dudan (00:01.61)
Welcome everybody. I am Jeff Duden and we are On the Homefront. As always, this podcast is brought to you by Homefront Brands, simply building the world's most responsible franchise platform, encouraging entrepreneurs to take action to transform their lives, impact communities, and enhance the lives of those they care the most about. All the while delivering enterprise level solutions to local business owners out there on the homefront where it matters. So if this sounds like you.
Check us out at HomefrontBrands.com today and start your next chapter of greatness, building your dynasty on the home front. I will be waiting for you here today. We are super excited to have one of the most influential people in my life as I read this book. You can see how torn up it is. Mr. Chris Voss, welcome.
Chris Voss (00:47.89)
Thanks Jeff, happy to be here. Thanks for having me on.
Jeff Dudan (00:50.75)
Yeah, yeah, fantastic. Chris Voss has spent over two decades in the FBI, including 15 years negotiating hostage situations from New York to the Philippines to the Middle East. His extensive negotiation training has included the FBI Scotland Yard and Harvard Law School, and Chris holds a master's in public administration from Harvard. Chris is the author of Never Split the Difference, a universally respected and world-renowned book on negotiation.
Never Split the Difference breaks down the means and methods developed and refined through real world application in live hostage situations, as well as collaboration with some of the greatest minds and organizations on the subject of negotiation. This is a life changer. Today, Chris Voss is the CEO and founder at the Black Swan Group established in 2008, which provides negotiation coaching to Fortune 500 companies and professionals across the globe. Simply the best in the business, Chris Voss, welcome.
Chris Voss (01:44.574)
Thanks Jeff, happy to be on. Thanks for having me on.
Jeff Dudan (01:47.306)
Yeah, man, it's great. Chris, would you mind sharing a little bit about your backstory? I knew you grew up in Iowa, a little bit of early life, and then kind of how that translated into your career.
Midwest Roots and a ‘Figure It Out’ Work Ethic
Chris Voss (01:59.346)
Yeah, small town, Iowa, blue collar, Midwest, work ethic. My father was an entrepreneur, you know, had his own business, sold proprietorship, and we all worked for my dad. I mean, as soon as you had responsibilities, you went to work probably as soon as you could start carrying stuff around, you know? And I think it was my father felt like you had to earn your share and you had to figure stuff out. It was very much a figure it out, pitch in.
life that I grew up in and my dad had, you know, give me a list of stuff to do and maybe give me a couple of the tools that I needed to do it and then I had to go figure out how to do it. That was kind of how I grew up.
Jeff Dudan (02:41.358)
Yeah, so he was in the oil and gas business and gas stations and stuff like that.
Chris Voss (02:46.45)
Yeah, yeah, he was an oil jobber, sort of the middleman. He got the product from Shil Oil and then distributed it to gas stations or small companies, large farms. Home heating oil was a big part of the business. When he bought it, it disappeared almost completely entirely and he had to adapt. And so went from supplying gas stations with product to...
owning them and owning convenience stores. Went into the convenience store business with my mother.
Jeff Dudan (03:20.338)
So you had credited, I know I've wrote a book or two, and when you think about the forward of it and who you dedicated it to, you dedicated it to your parents, and you called out hard work and integrity inside of that. So is that, you know, how did that translate towards, you know, your career and really pushing you forward? You went to Iowa State, correct?
Chris Voss (03:35.295)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (03:46.47)
Yeah, mostly because for two reasons. You know, my older sister went there and, you know, she was, I really looked up to her and sort of followed her. And then it was far enough away from home that I was separated away from home, but also not so far that, you know, I couldn't get home on a weekend if I had to. And I did occasionally, you know, my father needed me to come back. But yeah, I was state cyclone.
Jeff Dudan (04:11.066)
I spent a decade in Iowa one year. I went to the university. No, I went to, so I went to the University of Northern Iowa in Cedar Falls for a year. And it was, it was great. Didn't make it. I didn't make the grades. I, I lacked a little bit of the hard work and discipline at that point in time. But man, went home with a buddy one weekend and shot a gun for the first time.
Chris Voss (04:15.518)
Ahahaha! Hey hey hey! Hey!
Jeff Dudan (04:38.638)
took my first shot out of a Dixie cup that day. I may have, I think I witnessed insurance fraud with a ball peen hammer and a Cadillac after a hail storm and then partied in addition to cornfield. That was all on a Saturday. So that was the first day. I think we went cruising too, but no, but it was great. Still have friends there and I'm a Midwestern guy, Chicago guy as well. So I appreciate that very much.
Chris Voss (04:42.035)
Ha ha
Chris Voss (04:54.003)
That was the first day
Fork in the Road: FBI or SWAT?
Jeff Dudan (05:07.95)
As you moved forward in your career, you went to the police department first, and then you had a time where you had a choice to go to the FBI or I think to the SWAT team. How did you make that decision?
Chris Voss (05:08.117)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (05:19.647)
Right.
Chris Voss (05:23.218)
Yeah, well, just stupid, stupidity really. I had interviewed for the SWAT team before I was technically eligible on a police department. And I just, you know, I just was going through the selection process, mostly is to learn it, you know, to prepare for when I might actually get on the team. And for whatever reason, you know, they picked me number one, but I didn't have enough time on the job at that point in time.
and Lieutenant Colonel in charge of administration, you know, the sergeants and the captains on SWAT figured that they could get him to, you know, loosen up. And he was like, no, this is a rule, we're sticking to it. So I'm sitting there, number one on the list for the SWAT team and people under the list are going on being taken person after person after person, even to the point where the speculation was if they took everybody on the list and I still wasn't eligible, they were gonna start over. So.
Jeff Dudan (06:02.756)
Sunset in there.
people under the list of going, being taken person after person after person, even to the point where the speculation was if they took everybody on the list and I still wasn't eligible, they were gonna start over. So at about the same time, I got interested in federal law enforcement and I think the plan gets into the FBI. And I remember sitting there literally thinking and saying, whoever comes to me first, that's where I'm going.
Chris Voss (06:20.458)
At about the same time, I got interested in federal law enforcement, ended up putting my application in for the FBI. And I remember sitting there literally thinking and saying, you know, whoever comes to me first, you know, that's where I'm going, but it's the SWAT team of the FBI. And so I was just too stupid to really make a great decision at that point in time. I'm grateful that the FBI came and I got hired two weeks before.
Jeff Dudan (06:34.23)
But it's a slight change, but it has to be back. So I was too stupid to really make a great decision about what to do. I'm grateful that the FBI came and hired us for... I would have been eligible to go for the SWAT, but it's not that often you get to see the fork in the road that actually happens. But we're glad that we got a girl hired for it.
Chris Voss (06:49.362)
I would have been eligible to go to the SWAT team, just two weeks. And it's not that often you get to see the fork in the road that clearly. And I'm really happy with the way that it worked out. The Bureau hired me and I went to Quantico.
How Hostage Negotiation Became His Life
Jeff Dudan (07:03.986)
in your career, did you know that you wanted to be in negotiation?
Chris Voss (07:07.762)
Yeah, no, that was totally out of left field. I was on the SWAT team, FBI Pittsburgh, and enjoyed SWAT a lot, it was great. I mean, being on the SWAT team is a lot of fun. It's close to being a professional athlete, and you get to shoot guns, and you get to blow stuff up, and you get to repel down the side of buildings, you get to do all kinds of stupid, crazy adrenaline things, and it's a lot of fun. The training aspect of it is.
Jeff Dudan (07:31.482)
a lot of fun the training aspect of it operations aspect of it i went on two operations while i was on you know you lay in the mud and uh and somebody shows up with a bull horn and tells me so actually what happened we raided a motorcycle gang clubhouse you know you have to get a lot of people up first thing in the morning and tend to be the most
Chris Voss (07:34.286)
operations aspect of it. You know, I went on two operations while I was on the team. You know, you lay in a mud, and somebody shows up with a bullhorn and tells people inside to come out. Which is actually what happened. We raided a motorcycle gang clubhouse, and in order to, you know, you lock people up first thing in the morning. They tend to be the most docile then. It's the very best time to get somebody where they're still waking up. So, you know, we went out to this motorcycle gang clubhouse out in the woods.
Jeff Dudan (07:59.438)
So we went out to the San Miguel Club outside of the woods. We went out about 11 o'clock the night before. Some distance away, exactly the woods. We went to the power line gates. Surrounded a place that had been burned and laid out there on the ground. There was a sun came up, the negotiators didn't get in. But then I tried off the FBI's hostage rescue team. The Tier 1 counter terrorist squad team based on quantum.
Chris Voss (08:02.694)
We went out about 11 o'clock the night before and some distance away and trekked through the woods, you know, went through the power line routes and surrounded a place early in the morning and laid out there on the ground till the sun came up and the negotiators came in and called them out. But then I tried out for the FBI's hostage rescue team, the tier one counter terrorist SWAT team based out of Quantico and re-injured my knee and then thought,
Jeff Dudan (08:28.738)
and things remind me and then thought, yeah, I could look into my second pre-constructive and say, so they feel they couldn't have it two anymore times. So I felt we had to be honest with each other and say this, they're always there. Like, Chris, it's a decision maker, so I think.
Chris Voss (08:31.238)
went in for my second reconstructive knee surgery and figured that it couldn't happen too many more times. So I thought we had hostage negotiators, they're always there. I like crisis response, cause I like decision-making. I think comfortable in action is defeats people more than making mistakes does. It's a paraphrase of the Kennedy quote from way back when. So I figured negotiators, how hard could it be? I talked to people all the time. And I was...
Jeff Dudan (08:53.587)
So I figured negotiators, you know, how are you going to be? I thought people all the time. And I was, uh, one of the security roots of that. I was easily rejected. Then when I got in the game, you know, when I got surrounded, it was my fault.
Chris Voss (09:00.734)
Bit of a security route for that. I was initially rejected. Did what I needed to do to get on. And when I got trained, it was phenomenal. It was satisfying as swat was. Hostage negotiation was much more for me. I enjoyed it more than anything else I ever did.
Jeff Dudan (09:09.678)
Satisfying the swamp was, I sense a good sense of responsibility for parents who are dying, and that's what it was. One thing that landed with me in the book was the time between live situations. I think you were training for a year and a half before you got your first action, and it was a bank situation. What do you do in the downtime? I like to say the music's made between the notes, right? So you have this time.
Chris Voss (09:36.403)
Yeah, yeah.
The Suicide Hotline, Tactical Empathy, and Human Behavior
Jeff Dudan (09:39.298)
You're looking at how the FBI does things. You're now you're putting that into live situation and then you're iterating on it. You're figuring out what works and what doesn't work. And you really led some powerful thinking inside of how negotiation evolved. What kinds of things did you do between the live activities? And then after you had a live situation,
How did you break that down and learn from it?
Chris Voss (10:10.922)
Well, everything, I designed my life at that point in time so that everything kind of interacted. You know, it was all interlocked, if you will. Hostage negotiations, just high intensity interviewing. And not interrogation, there's a big difference between interviewing and interrogation. Interrogation is kind of stupid, if you ask me. Like when I saw the movie, Oh Dark Dirty, when they were hunting Ben Laden and they were interrogating to try to catch him. I remember thinking, no wonder it took so long. These guys are horrible. This interrogation is just stupid.
I mean, I really thought that. And I believe that to this day. Anyway, so I volunteered on the Suicide Hotline and it was before the term emotional intelligence had been coined, or we really knew what empathy in its purest form was. And I was just astonished at the instantaneous impact it had on people's behavior. Like on the hotline, it was 20 minutes or less with somebody who was completely suicidal.
Jeff Dudan (11:06.806)
somebody who's completely suicidal. And I remember they told us that in the fans, I was like, you know, actually, you know, there's no way that people are famous who tell somebody to destroy over net. You know, there's always all these stories out. 40 minutes, get a ticket.
Chris Voss (11:09.042)
And I remember they told us that in advance. I thought, you know, that can't be. There's no way. People are, it's famous. You talk to somebody who's distraught overnight. There's always all these stories, hours, 20 minutes. You gotta be kidding me. But when I saw how powerful and how quickly it changed people's behavior, I thought, you know, what if this worked in everyday life? It sounds like the regular interviews that the guys that I admire do regularly. And so between the...
Jeff Dudan (11:23.594)
I saw how powerful and how quickly it changed people's behavior. What if this were me everyday life? It sounds like the regular interviews that the guys that I admire do. So between uh, burning Austin's abilities and playing with it in my personal and professional life, everything sort of interlocked. And I was constantly learning about assassin, the ability to catch things.
Chris Voss (11:38.458)
learning hostage negotiation, toying with it in my personal and professional life, everything's sort of in a lot. And I was constantly learning about it, fascinated by it, the ability to impact somebody, the ability to catch somebody and read their emotions and literally have them say, you're reading my mind. And I remember thinking like, no, well, I read your emotions, they're all over your face and your actions and your voice, and you think I'm reading your mind.
Jeff Dudan (11:52.962)
ability to catch somebody to read their emotions and literally have them say, look at my brother. I can't remember anything like that. No, well, I read your emotions. They're all over your face. They're ads to the courts. They can read your mind. So by the time I finally got with the bad guy, the bank robber,
Chris Voss (12:09.098)
So by the time I finally got, you know, with the bad guy, the bank robber in Brooklyn, about a year and a half, two years later, I'd been practicing like crazy, because I was fascinated.
Coaching Franchisees Through Crisis with Tactical Empathy
Jeff Dudan (12:22.75)
in the book is tactical empathy, really the center, really the core of it. And I say that, so I've built multiple franchise companies over the years. And empathy was something like we, I talk about it in training because for us, uh, the way, the way I talk about it is, uh, we use it in, inside of like our servant leadership, uh, value that we have. And, you know, you need to.
Chris Voss (12:27.274)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (12:47.934)
Yeah.
Jeff Dudan (12:51.978)
you need to give people what they truly need, not what they say they want in the moment. So to do that, you've got to be in the pocket with people, like a boxing term, like you've got to be close enough to them so that they trust you. They believe you understand what they're going against, even though in franchising, we've done it like 500 times now and it's the same pattern of conversation back because what we're truly trying to do is make sure that we're working on the right problem. So for example, somebody might say, well, you know, it's my market.
Chris Voss (12:55.045)
Mm-hmm.
Jeff Dudan (13:21.654)
or it's the marketing or my staff, that's the problem with the business or competition or anything like that. But in the face of great validation, they're really holding themselves hostage. And then you might dig behind and it might be like, well, I'm going through a divorce. So the real problem is their eye is off the ball because they're going through a divorce. It's not any of these other things that they kind of threw out as little landmines to.
to not answer your question. So, the way I look at it is, people are arguing with themselves for their self limitations, things they're uncomfortable with. I don't like to do sales, I don't like to do this, I don't like to do this other thing. So it's up to us to get close enough to them to really make them internalize and accept responsibility for the problem that they're really having. So, I...
I know you do a lot of business consulting, and I don't know if any of that resonates with the things that you come across in corporate America and you're coaching today.
Why Common Ground Is Overrated
Chris Voss (14:21.93)
Yeah, it all does and it's very layered and, you know, grappling with it for you personally, I mean, everybody, they begin to understand it pretty much based on their experiences up to that point, on being understood or genuinely understanding someone. And those instances tend to be so rare in everyday life that we don't have a lot of models around us. And the vast majority of the models are really bad. You know, the movies and TV are horrible.
I mean, just absolutely horrible. And one of the first commandments of negotiation that we're teaching now is thou shalt not focus on common ground. Everybody, the movies teach us that common ground is the key to everything. And a point of fact, it actually interferes with your ability to be empathic. Because if you share common ground with somebody and they're struggling with what you perceive to be the problem, it's one of the few Harvard studies that I ever agreed with.
Jeff Dudan (15:06.548)
And a point of fact, it actually misuses the ability to be in power. Because if you share common ground with somebody and they're struggling with a problem, it's one of the few Harvard studies that I ever agree with.
Chris Voss (15:21.03)
It said that if you solve the problem yourself, somebody else struggling with the same problem, you'll either more likely to look at them and go like, look, I solved this, pick yourself up off the ground, you know, stop being a crybaby and fix it, cause I fixed it. Or if you were defeated by that problem, your likely reaction is like, oh man, you're in trouble. I mean, yeah, that's insurmountable. I mean, I came up against that and I couldn't solve it either. Neither one of those are empathy. But the feeling of being genuinely understood,
Jeff Dudan (15:21.438)
Except that if you solve the problem yourself, somebody else struggling with the same problem, you're even more likely to look at them and go like, look, I solved this, pick yourself up, off the ground, and just stop getting crazy and fix it, because I fixed it. The more you think about it, the more likely you are to say, oh man, they're in trouble, yeah, that's insurmountable. I think about it, and I couldn't solve it. You don't want to go through that.
But the thing is, and you understood, if you're lucky, this happens to you a couple times with friends that I've known. And it's, it's slow. And as you can't recall in a moment what was said, you might not have any idea what happened or how to do it, or how to do it well. So, to you, one of the results, one servant, who is you? You're kind of getting out of your own way.
Chris Voss (15:49.99)
If you're lucky, it's happened to you a couple times and you remember that moment. And it's transformative. And if you can't recall in a moment what was said, you might not have any idea what happened or how to duplicate it or how to do it again. So to one of your original points, servant leadership, you're kind of getting out of your own way.
to really genuinely make the other person feel understood, to serve them, to lose your agenda about moving forward. And in that mind frame, you're much more likely to be there for them, to nurture them, to coach them, to give them the coaching and the support that they need in that moment to sort of come to grips with whatever they're struggling with internally.
Jeff Dudan (16:15.086)
You need to genuinely make the other person feel understood. The same thing, you should be gentle about moving forward. And that reminds me, you're much more likely to be there for them, learn something, coach them, give them the coaching and support that they need in that moment to sort of come to grips with whatever is going on in their head. Look, I just did it. I just tripped on myself. I said I've seen it 500 times before, but to this person, that's a unique situation.
Chris Voss (16:43.456)
Yeah.
Jeff Dudan (16:44.33)
Yeah, that's, you know, that's how hard it is to stay is to stay in there with these people. We're training our coaches. We're doing the best we can. I've worked with a guy called Michael Reddington. He wrote a book called The Discipline Listening Method, and he was a loss prevention guy who would get confessions. You know, six, what, Wicklander, Zalusky, Wicklander out of Chicago, and they would 76% confession rate when they would find, you know, corporate theft or whatever it was. And.
You know, he would say that, let's see, he would say, encouraging people to share sensitive information under vulnerable circumstances in the face of consequences and that a person will confess when they believe a reasonable person facing similar circumstances might have behaved the same way. So that's basically saying we have to get, you have to get to a point of understanding where those people feel like...
maybe even this person faced with these circumstances, this opportunity to take something. When is the first time you took something? You know, I meant to bring it back when things were better, I was going to pay it back, but they never did. They never got caught. So it created this pattern of, you know, justification of continuing to take. You know, we, I enrolled all of my coaches into one of his classes, because what I was trying to get at, and we haven't gotten there yet, is how can we be empathic inside of these conversations and very quickly help
these business owners do what they need to do in the best way possible. So, and I don't know if it's, is that the core of what you do? What's a typical assignment for the Black Swan Group when you go in?
The Black Swan Group: What They Do and Don’t Do
Chris Voss (18:26.463)
Well, wherever people need to communicate better to solve a problem that they're just really stuck on. Now, that sounds really vague, but we end up, we train and we coach. We do a lot of coaching, much more than I ever thought we would. And for everything other than divorces, we don't get in the middle of divorces just because we're a threat to your attorney. Your divorce attorney does not get paid to resolve if he resolves a problem.
You know, attorneys don't get paid to resolve problems. They get paid to bill. They get paid to run the bill. And if somebody comes in, who's going to shorten the process, which tactical empathy always does always, always. We're the enemy of that attorney's livelihood.
Jeff Dudan (18:54.455)
Now.
Jeff Dudan (19:12.422)
Right. Exactly. Well, it's like big pharma. They don't really get paid to cure you. They just want to make sure you're healthy enough to continue to take the medicine.
Chris Voss (19:21.023)
Hahaha
Yeah, it's a big farm is a whole separate compensation. Um, but, uh, yeah. So we coach people, settle in insurance claims on their own. We coach, uh, business partners. We coach, um, one of our high level coaching clients. And we've got some, a few people that are extremely high level. He used the skills in, in the midst of the mediation through attorneys to the other side.
Jeff Dudan (19:27.531)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (19:53.278)
not that long ago and he knows he saved himself eight million dollars on the application of the skills because they're invisible. If you're doing it really well, the other side just thinks you're in a conversation. And then if you're not out to cut their throat, if you're not out to cheat people, then they have no reason ever to feel otherwise because you remove yourself as an enemy. So.
Jeff Dudan (20:13.102)
to see other ways to remove yourself as an addict. So it could be anything. I negotiated a chance on the airplane just the other day my girlfriend and I were separated on the plane. Like, it's easy. It's just swap a fine, a husband, a fine, a fine, a husband, a girlfriend.
Chris Voss (20:18.982)
It could be anything. I negotiated a change in seats on the airplane just the other day. My girlfriend and I were separated on the plane. Like you hear these, would you swap with my husband or my wife or my girlfriend? And I see about 50% success rate. But then the issue is not what your success rate is. How does a person feel when it's done?
Jeff Dudan (20:37.81)
And I see about 50% success rate. And, but then the issue is not that success rate is, how does it cost a few weeks? That's, that's a real tricky list. I don't want somebody to get slots in front of us and have them be in a negative mode in the entire airplane file, get off the plane, unhap, unhap. Now, there's some kind of way that's going to come back, but I'm a big believer in a
Chris Voss (20:47.07)
And that's a real critical issue. I don't want somebody to have swapped seats with my girlfriend to inconvenience us and have them be in a negative mood the entire airplane ride and get off the plane unhappy. Now, there's some kind of way that's gonna come back on me. I'm a big believer in a karma bank and I got the karma bank working in my direction on a regular basis. But we coach in every kind of negotiation there is. Anytime you want collaboration from somebody, you're in a negotiation.
Jeff Dudan (21:06.446)
more than five years. But we coach in every kind of negotiation. It's not one whole, it's two to something. A situation like that, you just met somebody, it's going to be a 30-second negotiation. What are some keys for quickly developing rapport? And then maybe disarming, some disarming statements that you can make.
Negotiating Airplane Seat Swaps and the Karma Bank
Chris Voss (21:30.418)
Yeah, well, I'll tell you what I said to this guy. And I don't know. Typically, a big smile makes a big difference. And it's a little bit situational. Like, you know, the playful attitude, being playful as a superpower, it's not what you wanna go with all the time. And I did not go with playful with this guy. You know, on same set of circumstances, somebody's, you know, they got their luggage in your leg room, which happens on a regular basis.
Jeff Dudan (21:32.726)
Big smile, big smiles first.
Jeff Dudan (21:38.934)
Yeah.
Jeff Dudan (21:48.515)
Mm-hmm.
Chris Voss (21:59.902)
Being playful about it then is critical. Because you gotta sit next to this person all the time. But actually what I said to this guy, I'm in a bulkhead with both the bulkhead seats. He's got bulkhead aisle, I got bulkhead window. Which means you can't put the bags in the seat in front of you. Cause you gotta go overhead, which is really inconvenient for some people. So I wait for this guy to finally show up. He's one of the last people on a plane in this section.
And I just look at him and I go, I got a lousy proposition for you.
And I was not playful. And is, is to just stay.
Jeff Dudan (22:40.092)
Yeah, you're not gonna like this.
Chris Voss (22:41.81)
Yeah, yeah, because I need what I want to be a relief. And I don't want him to give it to me and be angry and you know, any of that stuff. Plus he's less likely to give it to me. So he stares at me and this is a moment that we call dynamic silence. No matter what, I cannot break this silence. So he stares at me and he goes, I'm listening.
And I go, my girlfriend is four rows back on a window with you swiped seats. And before I finish my next sentence, he has grabbed his bags and is headed in her direction. Like I had three or four more things I wanted to say. I wanna be brilliant here. I've almost been like, hey, I'm not done yet. I still wanna work on this. But he is back and moving towards his seat before I have even finished. So.
I don't know what, in hindsight I got a pretty good idea what probably went through his mind. But I got it quickly and there was one of the few times when being playful was not my approach. I think I'm probably playful about a good 90% of the time and this one I wasn't.
Jeff Dudan (23:40.358)
In hindsight, I figured I'd do it probably too this month, but I got it quickly. There's one or two times I've been a playboy working out my toys. I think I'm probably quite with a good 90% of the time of the style. People get in trouble when they let things go too fast. That's my problem. I have deal fixation, so if I was going to be really self-critical, I would say.
Chris Voss (24:01.994)
Yeah.
Deal Fixation and Letting Go of the Outcome
Jeff Dudan (24:10.07)
I already know the deal that I want when I'm going into it. So now I've got deal fixation. I think it's a good deal for everybody, which is probably a bad way to go into it. So I'm not gonna anchor somewhere. I'm not gonna anchor and then I'm not gonna do the work to come up with like why we're anchoring there. So now I'm already setting myself to leave something on the table. And then I can't wait to get it done. And if you're in a hostage situation or a really important negotiation, that's probably the wrong.
approach, I would say. So how do you coach people to slow themselves down?
Chris Voss (24:46.854)
That's a hard one because you know what you talked about on deal fixation that's what people do as human beings. Or you know you get goal-focused and that gives you tunnel vision. You get blinders on. And I'm listening to a big fan of the Andrew Huberman podcast and a couple of podcasts back you know
Jeff Dudan (24:54.798)
Compromise. We want compromise.
Chris Voss (25:11.122)
he's talking to a neuroscientist and they say, this is how people think of things. And I call this DPO, duration, path, and outcome. You think about where you want to be, you think about how you're going to get there, and you think about how long it's going to take you to get there, duration, path, and outcome. That is a tendency of just how we as human beings are wired. We pick out a target, we figure out how we're going to get there, we figure out how long it's going to take. And so that is one of the big challenges.
to teach people this stuff because you gotta let go of the target to start with. Because intellectually I can explain to you why you don't have all the information. And by and large as a human being you're not gonna care. Like I know where this is going, it is what it is. I think somebody wrote a book probably about 10 years ago The Ten Commandments of Negotiation, which failed miserably. And one of this guy's commandments was, it is what it is.
Jeff Dudan (26:04.126)
guys' commandments was, is what is. No, it's not. There are all sorts of variables here that you don't know. If you decide it's intentionally holding back, it does stir up for you. And you intentionally holding stuff back from them, it does to you. So consequently, it can't be it is what is, it is what is.
Chris Voss (26:06.97)
No, it's not. There are all sorts of variables here that you don't know. That the other side is intentionally holding back from you because they're important and you're intentionally holding stuff back from them because it's important. So consequently it can't be it is what it is because they're keeping you in the dark, no matter how smart you are. And if you're the smartest person on earth, you're keeping them in the dark.
Jeff Dudan (26:33.242)
No matter how it's far from that. And if you're the smartest person on earth here, you're the one with the ground. It says this, the opposite of synergy. You know, you miss the synergy. But if you do each other and you're one. So it's real focus. It's hard not to see why it's important. Even by the time you're done, every time you're done. Yes. I have found that the last thing people say
Chris Voss (26:37.062)
which has this, the opposite of synergy. You know, you're losing synergy by keeping each other in the dark. So if you get deal focused, which is hard not to be because you're wired to do that, you're leaving money on the table. Every time.
Jeff Dudan (26:59.198)
at the end of a phone call is the first thing they wanted to say. And they just been holding it for a long time. And it's it's, you know, and I coach people that and I'm just like, oh, one more thing, right. That's actually the thing that they've been holding. They never got to it, but they had to spit it out before they hung up the phone. And it kind of goes along with your, you know, your black swan things, three things inside of a negotiation that would you have known them? They would have changed everything. Have you?
Chris Voss (27:02.618)
Ahaha
Chris Voss (27:10.226)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (27:16.533)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (27:24.83)
Yeah.
Jeff Dudan (27:29.438)
Have you developed techniques to make sure that when people are negotiating, they identify those things or they can at least prompt people to give them up?
The Power of Labeling, Mirroring, and Silence
Chris Voss (27:40.422)
Yeah, well there's things that you know are important and things that are important you just don't know because the other side's holding you in the dark. So the basics, we got nine negotiation skills. But we call the quick two plus one the essentials. Like if you can master labeling and mirroring and dynamic silence, you probably do extremely well all the time. Like your batting average will go way up.
Now what those things are designed to do is to dig into what was said and get people to expand, to reward, to add on. Like the mirror, just repeating one to three words of what you just said, exactly. Just repeating those words, whether the last three words or whether selected three words.
it causes people to expand and go on. Now there's two advantages to this, and this is exactly what you were just talking about. You're probably gonna add stuff to it that you didn't think of, so there's new information there. By definition, you're giving off more information to me than I can soak in and speak, so it's also a way continuing to cover the ground and dig in, but neither one of us feels like we're repeating ourselves.
Jeff Dudan (28:51.734)
So it's also linked to recovery.
Jeff Dudan (28:56.594)
one of us feels like we're repeating the same things. We think we're expanding. I'm getting information that is sitting good about getting it to civil rights information that four of them signed the tenement, instead of one or the other. It's four of them, most of them are citizens. So I'm gonna get a lot more information. I'm gonna feel good about getting it to civil rights information. Hence, why I buy on the suicide hotline.
Chris Voss (28:59.39)
We think we're expanding. I'm gathering information, and you're feeling good about giving it to me. So it's information gathering and rapport building simultaneously instead of one or the other, which is what most negotiations are. So I'm gonna get a lot more information. You're gonna feel good about giving it to me, and it's gonna accelerate us towards the outcome. You know, hence why back on the suicide hotline, I can get to where I wanna go in 20 minutes when other people are taking four, five, six hours in regular conversations.
Jeff Dudan (29:21.55)
I can get to where I want to be in 40 minutes. I don't really need to work that long. Four, five, six hours, they work five, six. Yeah, you would use things like, you sound anxious. Yeah, I'm anxious. I'm anxious, you know, and, you know, using those techniques to basically play back to people and get them to kind of internalize how they're coming across. Is that?
Chris Voss (29:33.383)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (29:48.738)
It's a combination of a couple things, especially with negative emotions. It's self-awareness and deactivation simultaneously, which until you've seen it in action, you can't imagine that calling out anxiousness, frantic feelings, concern. You think that causes a downward spiral, an increase, an amplification in those emotions when in point of fact,
Calling them out, not denying them, but calling them out causes a self-awareness, denying it, say, I don't want you to feel anxious, I don't want you to feel frantic. Well, that's combative and challenging. It's telling somebody not to feel what they're feeling. So it triggers them in a bad way to start with, and it doesn't increase their awareness. But you seem anxious, you seem frantic.
that actually calms people down because they become self-aware and there's some interesting neuroscience that shows that it deactivates it simultaneously.
Jeff Dudan (30:52.238)
percent of the brain's negative. Is that, yeah.
Chris Voss (30:54.354)
Yeah. Yeah, well, why did it be negative? I mean, it's what kept us alive in the caveman daves. And we've all inherited that wire.
Jeff Dudan (30:59.761)
Okay.
Jeff Dudan (31:10.798)
How often are you surprised by outcomes in negotiations that you participate in?
Chris Voss (31:19.898)
Well, regularly, I mean, when we're using tactical empathy, I'm either surprised at how quickly we got there or where we suddenly find ourselves. I don't do most of our negotiations. So on a regular basis, I do some, but most of our coaches and our salespeople are getting surprised on a regular basis.
that suddenly people are being collaborative. The first salesperson we ever hired way back when, a young lady named Davy, who was a superstar as a salesperson. She's no longer with us. She had a different path to take. But I remember she told my son Brandon, who trained her, she said, you know, when I first started working for you, there were a lot of real jerks that called us on the phone. And now six months later, there aren't as many jerks. She just got good at it, and she was being surprised.
Jeff Dudan (32:02.094)
You know, uh, when I first started rolling, there were a lot of real good supporters on the front. The past six months later, if you're honest and objective, you're suspecting it. So you're being surprised at how much more pleasant people are when you're no longer the epic that I've worked with for my career. Brandon works with you at Black Swan. And... He went out on his own. Oh, did he?
Chris Voss (32:16.25)
at how much more pleasant people are when you're no longer the enemy and how quickly you can make deals.
Chris Voss (32:27.986)
He used to, he went out on his own. He's come from the same cloth I am. I didn't want to be told what to do by anybody, especially my father. And he helped me build the business and now he's out on his own. He's charting his own path.
Jeff Dudan (32:38.744)
Yeah.
Jeff Dudan (32:45.822)
Yeah, it's a double edged sword. My 25 year old is running a big part of our company, the franchise development piece of it. He's an econ and finance guy. But it is interesting working with family. I will tell you, and I'm interested to know if you shared it, but an early entrepreneurial experience in people's lives is the number one indicator whether they're gonna have entrepreneurial success later in life. So Brandon, watching you, have a great career.
write the book, build the business, and all of that stuff probably had a major impact in the way that he views what he wants to do. And congratulations, I understand you're a grandfather.
Chris Voss (33:27.638)
Oh yeah, I am. I actually got two grandchildren now, so a granddaughter and a grandson who's just a few months old.
Jeff Dudan (33:36.206)
That's why I can't wait. I can't wait. I got at least, my daughter just started law school at NYU. So that's at least three or four years out. And then my son's fiance is pre-med at Wake. So that's three or four years out. So I'm gonna have to rent them or borrow them or get another dog, one of the three.
Chris Voss (33:54.476)
You got hard working kids, man. Those are some impressive educational credentials.
Jeff Dudan (33:56.373)
I
Jeff Dudan (33:59.966)
Well, they're working it well, you know, coming from, you know, they found my, they found my bag of high school, I was a football player. And they found my bag of credentials in a trash bag in the attic, and they pulled out that 2.6 grade point average. So they they've all basically doubled it. So I blame, yeah, I blame my wife. I blame my wife. Must be awesome. So
Chris Voss (34:21.775)
We're good, alright.
Hahaha!
Hostage Stories That Didn’t Make the Book
Jeff Dudan (34:29.738)
You know, as you think back to your career, are there any cool stories that didn't make your book? And I will say that the book is perfectly done. Every chapter just about starts with an impactful story. And then the lessons that are taught apply directly to how it helped resolve that situation. But is there anything on the cutting room floor that didn't make the book?
Chris Voss (34:56.826)
Yeah, well, there was a bunch of stuff for a variety of reasons, depending upon how it fit in to, Tal Ross, by the way, the guy, the co-writer, and my son Brandon, an unofficial co-author, but Tal knows how to write a business book that's interesting to read. And I'm gonna tell you, the first time I worked at Kidnapping directly, that Al Qaeda was involved.
Jeff Dudan (35:02.888)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (35:21.406)
There was a Saudi kidnapping guy named Paul Johnson that was being grabbed by Al-Qaeda in Saudi Arabia at the time. And, you know, I'm on a secure video conference call right after it gets started in D.C. with a bunch of, you know, the policymakers and decision people. And, you know, they were like, you know, I don't know what good you guys are going to do us in this. And actually, I was insistent that I deploy to Saudi on this.
And the ambassador, a guy named Oberwider, as I recall, smart guy, ran the best meeting I'd ever seen run in an embassy once I showed up in Riyadh. But his reaction was kinda like, look, I don't know how you guys are gonna help, but you wanna fly all the way out here and go ahead and get on a plane. It's not coming out of my budget. So en route, while I'm in the air, my team is writing a negotiation position paper.
Jeff Dudan (35:53.706)
I was having a ball. Slumped out. Played the best meeting I'd ever seen run. Ever seen. To see what he got. But his reaction was kinda like, look, I don't know how you guys got out there. You wanna fly all the way out there and go ahead and get on a plane and start coming out by Monday. So in the U-Tune.
Well, I'm in the year of my team, which is when a negotiation decision is a way to assess situations, and it's a version of a plan to assess business opportunities and decisions in a business. And when I got there, over what I had, the general one of the head of the decision paper that I had, that led me to get to the end of the city, said,
Chris Voss (36:17.902)
It's a way that we assess situations and we're using versions of it now to assess business opportunities to make decisions in the business. And when I got there, Oberweider had the, James Oberweider, I believe the man's name was, had the position paper in his hand and met me when I got to the embassy. And he said, when you said you guys were coming out here, I didn't know what good you were gonna do us.
Jeff Dudan (36:41.75)
I'm glad you guys were coming out, but I didn't know what day it was. Not what hour it was, but I'm sure you got it.
Chris Voss (36:45.694)
and now that I have this, I wish you'd have gotten here two days earlier. And I remember thinking like, you just give us a chance to show us how we can impact your thinking and your decision making. And that was exactly the stamp that I needed. And point of fact, we made, Paul Johnson was murdered by Al-Qaeda on deadline, and the Saudis rounded them all up and killed him in a tactical assault.
But afterwards, the Arab media portrayed the kidnappers as criminals and not terrorists, not freedom fighters. You don't wanna, if you wanna be a terrorist, you don't wanna be called a criminal, a thug. And that's what the Arab media referred to these guys as. So it was a PR victory for us. And Oberweider wrote a letter to the director of the FBI saying that we made the world see them
Jeff Dudan (37:30.962)
And that's what the error for each of these guys are. So it's a pure victory for us, over whiter, redder letters, but we can guide. So the A, the quotes, the thoughts, the words, the ratifying, the can't turn to five, that's how I find it.
Chris Voss (37:44.442)
as the thugs and criminals that they were. And that was very gratifying as well, because while we didn't say Paul Johnson's life, it began to turn the tide against Al-Qaeda at that point in time.
Jeff Dudan (37:58.158)
93% of hostage negotiations end well. 7% the outcomes are predetermined because the people that are involved, they have no outcome. You can't get them to an outcome. Can that be changed or outcomes somewhat predetermined? So if somebody says, you know, I'm going to die by police suicide.
and I'm just not coming out of here in any way. Is there any crack that you can get psychologically to get them to change their mind at that point? What's your experience?
The 7% You Can’t Save: The “Killing Journey” Concept
Chris Voss (38:40.27)
No is the short answer. I mean there's a killing journey. Vision drives decision. What does that mean? People have got a clear view of how they want things to go before they engage in a process. And you have to recognize whether or not they're on a killing journey and whether or not this process is part of the destination. Now your best chance, if the communication process is part of the destination,
Your best chance of success is to simply stop communicating because they've taken that into account and they need that to be part of the journey. So you'll stop talking to somebody. You'll put them on ice. You'll hang up on them. And then that's your best chance of success. Now your best chance of success might be infinitesimal, but you take your best chance of success and then realize.
Jeff Dudan (39:31.086)
take the best chance at success and then realize that it was the best chance at success. So there are certain things. You're never gonna completely screw on the tile on any negotiation, the impossible is. You have to recognize it for what it is and then take your best chance at success, which might be, you know, 1,000 for the end of the summer. And then let the universe end forth.
Chris Voss (39:33.802)
that it was the best chance of success and that it was really low. So there are certain things, you're never gonna completely throw in the towel on any negotiation, any hostage negotiation. You have to recognize it for what it is and then take your best chance of success which might be, you know, one thousandth of 1%. And then you let the universe take its course. You play your role to the best of your possible ability and don't kid yourself about.
Jeff Dudan (39:59.086)
Play your role for the best possible. Don't think about where you get the stuff. Involved in training the FBI and their negotiators?
Chris Voss (40:02.462)
the way the deck was stacked before he got started.
Chris Voss (40:11.066)
I was, and you know, as soon as you're out, a friend of mine once said, the water rushes in quickly behind you. And however, they did ask me to come back earlier this year and I spoke to them at Quantico briefly. You know, they had some other people in it, Brené Brown, which is cool, I'd never met her. She's genius, I mean, she won me over like immediately in how insightful she was. So I've got, you know, they're, they,
Jeff Dudan (40:19.466)
Right.
Chris Voss (40:40.478)
They don't look to me for a lot, they look to me for an occasional conversation. They're fine on their own without me.
Jeff Dudan (40:45.73)
Yeah. So how has the transition to business life been? And what's, you know, what do you see for the Black Swan Group going forward? Are you expanding the business? I know the book continues to be widely referenced and I'm sure continues to be purchased and used. What's next for you?
Building Black Swan Group and Writing the Book
Chris Voss (41:05.246)
Yeah, well it's been great. I mean the transition, you know, I started over as a baby entrepreneur at age 50, you know. In a public sector, you got no idea how the private sector runs, and vice versa. I mean there's some similarities in bureaucracies, corporate bureaucracy, government bureaucracy, there are similarities. But entrepreneur life is a whole nother thing. It's a great adventure. And we probably change and adapt every year. Right now,
Jeff Dudan (41:11.431)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (41:34.834)
We're in discussions to develop a non-scripted TV show, reality TV show. We'll see where that goes. That might be in production next year. So working on another possible book, working on, the book sells globally well in every country. Like we're in 36 countries, I mean literally globally. And probably we're starting to consult and train and teach more in Dubai, on the other side of the world. Dubai is a great business hub and it's a.
It's a great place to be for business. And one of the more fascinating places on Earth Coast, I think every place is interesting. I came to New Jersey, every place is interesting to me because we're human beings are doing cool stuff. So the next couple of years could be very interesting. We're still gonna train and teach negotiation at all levels.
Jeff Dudan (42:24.407)
I get a sense to that experientially. I never thought I would get to kind of meet the kind of people that I get to meet and I get to talk to on a regular basis now. And that's a reward in and of itself. And you know, bigger table having you on this podcast. And I mean, we got Vern Harnish coming on next. And just it's yeah, I mean, it's just it's just it's just great. I mean, I mean, I created the.
Chris Voss (42:37.138)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (42:44.701)
Nice.
Jeff Dudan (42:50.194)
a business that was insurance restoration. And I was doing, I was cleaning up toilet spills. Like that's how I started, you know? And now to, you know, those, we can have many, many seasons to our lives. And, you know, to go through this season and for this to be the season that I'm in, I'm just thoroughly excited about it. I read your book, Never Split the Difference. That's gotta be seven or eight years ago now. And I committed at that time to become a better negotiator.
Chris Voss (43:03.722)
Yeah.
Jeff Dudan (43:18.15)
Ultimately, I talked myself out of it. But what was the trigger for you ultimately to write that book? Was it you knew you were transitioning into a private sector, you needed it as a tool? Or like when I wrote my, I wrote, I have a book called Discernment, the Business Athletes Regimen for a Great Life Through Better Decisions. And what it is, is it's models of thought that I've learned over 25 years of building business that people can apply to their present day situations and like, what are the filters, what are values as a filter?
Chris Voss (43:36.426)
Very cool.
Jeff Dudan (43:47.362)
You know, what are the filters in decision making that, that improve your decision making because nothing is a hundred percent, anything can go to zero and the quality of your decisions determines the quality of your life and the velocity of your business. So, man, I had so many lessons to put in there, but I really wrote it just to make sure that I got it all down. At that, when I sold my business in 2019 and is, you know, what was the trigger for you to sit down and say, I've got to get this stuff all on paper.
Chris Voss (43:49.854)
Right.
Chris Voss (43:59.53)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (44:07.114)
Uh huh.
Chris Voss (44:18.678)
Finally think when we finally and we really Brandon and I when we thought we had a whole system if you will to put together a book like Since I got out of the FBI and I knew I was gonna be consulting and training Ever and no shortage of people saying like look you got to write a book I mean you got to get a book out there get it out there now and That's good advice and I didn't want to get a book out I wanted to make sure that we had a system that worked, you know that we had a could show the model
There was a hostage negotiator, NYPD, put out a book right after he got out. But it was more like, here, try this and see if you can adapt it into your life. Here's how I did in hostage negotiation. Now you figured out a business negotiation. And to me, that was too soon. So I was lucky enough to start teaching business negotiation at Georgetown. And so I was teaching there with my son Brandon as a sounding board. And after we'd been doing it for several years and.
teaching straight hostage negotiation for business application, we had 200 written papers of examples of everything from a Wall Street negotiation to a negotiation between a husband and a wife over Christmas tree. We had all the models that we needed, and then finally, you gotta find the right writer. Went through a lot of writers, learned what the wrong writer looks like, and wanted tall rods all along, and finally got them. And tall was...
Jeff Dudan (45:23.798)
came from the Wall Street and Joe Sasson. Joe Sasson came out as the life of a prisoner. So, you know, we are models of the, and then finally, we got to find the right writer. Went through a lot of writers, but the wrong writer looked slightly. And one at tall was, oh, finally John. And tall was, can't see the stuff. Most writers just write.
Chris Voss (45:45.318)
Tol was a genius. Most writers just write. And Tol is actually a great researcher and a great thinker. And in having worked with other writers, I had no idea how viable him doing the research was gonna be and giving them insight and asking us hard questions. We forget what it's like to not know. And Tol really brought that to the table a lot also. I had dinner with him the other night.
Jeff Dudan (45:51.73)
And it's all this actually great research doing a great thing. And having one viable. I asked him, I'm sorry, why is it me? You know, it's like, you know, it's all really broad. I had dinner with him the other night. Talked about why I think I answered this bad idea.
Chris Voss (46:13.706)
We talked about why I think high anchoring is a bad idea. And when we were working on the book, he'd say, everybody else, all the academics say, you shouldn't high anchor. I go, no, high anchoring is stupid. And he said, that's not enough of an explanation. Ha ha ha. You're gonna have to go into a lot more depth than that, because there's some really credible people out here that disagree with you. And that working.
Jeff Dudan (46:19.95)
But before, you could say, you know, everybody else on the academic side, you said, I don't know, I don't understand. Said that's the average, I'll put it in Spanish.
You're going to have to go in a lot more depth than that. Because there's some really credible people out here that disagree with you. And that working, having to all bring stuff up like that is just, it's just, it's just, it's just, concerning with the call after I come out for.
Chris Voss (46:42.342)
Having TOL bring stuff up like that was really great. So the journey led me to TOL after I'd been out for, geez, five, six years before I finally got TOL on board as a collaborator.
Jeff Dudan (46:53.518)
five, six years, four, five, six years, and I'm still working on it. Iterative process, they had to keep telling me, Jeff, this book is not everything you know about everything. It's got to flow. Save it for the next book. And trying to get it to where it can really help people and people can execute on the tactical stuff that you give them is hard. I'm interested to know, have you developed anything about the high anchoring?
Chris Voss (47:07.52)
Yeah.
Why High Anchoring Often Backfires
Jeff Dudan (47:22.499)
Can you expand on that for just a minute? Because I always was taught like, hey, anchor high, right? And now you've set a new normal and that's where the negotiation is going to start. No?
Chris Voss (47:24.597)
Yeah, what?
Chris Voss (47:33.766)
unless you drive the deal from the table. Like it was always my gut instinct that extreme anchoring drives deals from the tables. And if you look at the studies, and you should look at all the studies. And first of all, every study is flawed and all data is flawed. So you have to just decide whether or not the flaws are fatal in your point of view and how much data there is and whether or not you like your source. Like there's a couple things that I truly believe in and I got one source on it only.
but I'm not satisfied with the source. Now the high anchoring data is all on artificial negotiations among students in business schools or in classes. Now why is that flawed? First of all, they're not themselves. They don't have anything in the game. It's a pretend situation. The bigger flaw is from having done all these, you put two students together in a simulated negotiation. They're gonna talk one time.
They're gonna talk for 45 minutes. The only way they're gonna feel like they failed is if they get no deal. And they also are not gonna negotiate with each other again in the same scenario. It's not a series of negotiations. So somebody starts high anchoring and it does reset the zone of possible agreement as my Harvard brothers and sisters call it, the Zopa, in artificial situations or in one-offs or in stuff where you're never gonna deal with anybody again.
which is not the norm. In reality, what it does is drive deals from the table. And I'm looking for this right and left. I finally, I pick up Ned Coletti's book, The Big Chair. Ned Coletti was GM for the Los Angeles Dodgers his first year that went from wars to first. Phenomenal business sports mind. And he's got a story when he was with the Cubs that they had a free agent they really wanted to retain. They really wanted this guy.
Jeff Dudan (49:14.41)
Ned Coletti's book, if we can say it, Ned Coletti was the team for the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Mississippi Influencers. It was such a phenomenal business experience for him. Got a story when he was with the Cubs. They had a major game here in one of the towns.
Chris Voss (49:32.562)
And this guy's agent came in with a ridiculous ask, and the Cubs went F you and walked away. And then Ned's book is littered with instances where somebody came in with a high anchor or an extreme anchor, and the other side just went like F you and walked away. And I'm sitting with Ned in LA at dinner a couple of years ago, and I go like, you know, this is what I've seen in your book.
Jeff Dudan (49:33.574)
agent came in with a ridiculous small coat with a ridiculous ass and he comes for an interview and he walked away.
And then Ned's book is litterally covered with instances where somebody came in with a high anger and a scream anger. And the other side just went like, ask you. Walk away. And I'm sick with Ned in LA at dinner a couple of years ago. And I go like, you know, this is what I've seen before. I'm convinced that high angering makes the feels disappear that you should have had. But Ned is one of the most successful. He goes like.
Chris Voss (49:57.762)
I'm convinced that high anchoring makes deals disappear that you should have made. And Ned is one of the most successful negotiation practitioners ever, hence, based on his track record, agreed with me completely. And every business negotiation person that I've spoken to that has come to learn that lesson.
Jeff Dudan (50:07.906)
ever. It's my, based on his track, one of the three different equipments. And every person that I see open to, there's a number of them that I've listened to. And they've learned that they'll make a more detailed stay away from the extreme anger and they'll know there's another reason to get like whoops and then to find out the extreme or might be in love.
Chris Voss (50:21.666)
and they've learned that they're making more deals staying away from extreme anchoring. There's another reason to avoid it. Your extreme anchor might not be extreme, it might be low. And you cost yourself money thinking you were coming in at an extreme, and instead you hit the other guy's sweet spot and there was more money on the table you left on the table. So there's all these reasons to let the other side go first and just gather information, see where you are.
Jeff Dudan (50:35.506)
Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
Jeff Dudan (50:46.226)
Yeah, if you throw an implausible offer out at me, I don't, I think you just threw something up there and you're not taking me seriously. You really didn't think about it. And maybe I think you're lazy and I'm not really insulted. I just think, well, you know, this, this is a, I'm going to throw nine, 20 deals out there, lose 19 and see if I can get one, one idiot to take it.
Chris Voss (51:07.07)
Yeah, yeah, and a lot of people think they're very successful doing that, and they just have no idea how much money they're leaving on the table, how many deals are walking away because that's their approach.
Jeff Dudan (51:18.47)
Yeah, yeah. And in the example of the students, neither one of those kids wants to go back into the classroom without a deal. They're going to get a deal. It's just a matter of where is it.
Chris Voss (51:24.339)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (51:28.99)
Yeah, they're gonna get a deal and they're also like, time after time after time, they're gonna sit down once for 45 minutes. And at the end of 45 minutes, wherever they are, they're gonna shake hands and they're gonna go back to getting ready to go drinking or working on the other homework they're working or whatever else they're doing.
Jeff Dudan (51:51.606)
Well, Chris, we're heading towards the end of our time. And I really enjoyed this very much. I really appreciate you jumping on. I'll ask you, with all of your experience and, uh, worldly experience, if you had one sentence to make an impact in somebody's life, you know, what, something that you, you believe and you think other people should think about, what might that be?
One Sentence That Changes Everything
Chris Voss (52:16.094)
Yeah, and then after I answer that question, I wanna tell you about this thing we're doing on fireside, which I think is pretty cool. But the one sentence would be like, take the time to make somebody feel understood and just see where that takes you.
Jeff Dudan (52:21.002)
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Chris Voss (52:36.022)
And it's, you know, people used to say, your negotiation's very zen-like. And I'd be like, zen, what the hell is zen? I don't know what that is, you know, leave me alone. But it's really letting go of the outcome to find a better outcome. It makes life much more interesting, makes life much more of an adventure. Like if you don't really know where this is going, you'll be delighted far more than you're frustrated.
Jeff Dudan (53:02.294)
Well, I tell you what I thought of immediately when you said that is my marital life. And after so many, or your, uh, whoever your key relationship is in your life, man, after a while, you just forget to understand where they're coming from and you gloss over it. And, uh, that's probably one of the biggest, you know, he doesn't get me, she doesn't get me, they don't understand me. Uh, it's probably where it starts to unravel a little bit and I'm guilty.
Chris Voss (53:26.079)
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, what's up?
Jeff Dudan (53:32.01)
Yeah, so what's going on with Fireside?
Chris Voss (53:34.086)
Fireside is this new web three, if you will, application. You can find it on your iPhone or on your Android in the app store. It was originally pitched to us as an interactive podcast, a live interactive podcast. And what it really has turned out to be for my company is group coaching. So we do an hour a week. Every week, I'm on once a month.
Jeff Dudan (53:39.083)
Mm-hmm.
Chris Voss (54:02.846)
And there's, you know, some of our, we're talking about our cutting edge topics, our most salient, you know, what's most important at the time. You'll get a short, short discussion of whatever that topic is, and then it's a Q and A session, which really ends up to be group coaching. And we normally charge, and I charge $5,000 an hour for group coaching. If you wanted individual coaching, it's gonna cost you about that much for an hour.
Jeff Dudan (54:27.918)
the usual postage is going to post about that West Hawaiian power. This means a month's worth of this postage is going to post at $20,000. Firesatting is $1,000. The friend entirety of the postage is going to be $1,000.
Chris Voss (54:31.518)
which means a month's worth of this coaching is gonna cost you $20,000. Fisat is $1,000 a year for an entire year's worth of coaching. Now, we signed, people sign on from all over the world. When I was on just about two weeks ago, one of the people that was on and was asking me questions was on a mountain top in Tibet. Ha ha ha.
Jeff Dudan (54:44.398)
Now, there's certain people signing on from all over the world. When I was on, just about to get a cigarette. One of the people that was on to ask me questions was on a mountain top, and it's a fat guy. So you get on with life line drawings.
Chris Voss (54:57.974)
So you get on with like-minded entrepreneurs, people are getting better at negotiation, they wanna learn. Somebody asks a question that's exactly what you were thinking or a different take on what you're struggling with. And it has been, it's filled in a real gap for people on the learning journey with us, pretty much after the book and master class. Because that's static learning. Like, no matter how many times you turn that page, the page is still gonna say things.
The same thing, the master class, episodes, lessons, they're the same every time. And you need to get into live group coaching, and otherwise the live group coaching is extremely expensive, and this is a way to get it at a ridiculous price.
Jeff Dudan (55:42.638)
There's always more power when the group comes together. Always more power. So that sounds fantastic. And those prices sound very reasonable to me. And I, I bet people don't negotiate you off of them very often. Not at all. That's right. Chris, this has been awesome, man. Thank you.
Chris Voss (55:45.639)
Yeah.
Chris Voss (55:56.119)
What we do is we over deliver. We're gonna make it a bargain.
Chris Voss (56:04.17)
Jeff, my pleasure. Thank you for having me on, man. It's been a real pleasure. Enjoy the conversation.
Jeff Dudan (56:08.707)
Yeah, me as well. So where can you direct people to either get the information on Fireside or to reach out to you or the Black Swan Group?
Chris Voss (56:16.746)
Well the website is blackswanltd.com, B-L-A-C-K-S-W-A-N-L-T-D.com. Upper right hand corner is the tab for our newsletter which comes out weekly, it's complimentary. And there's one actionable article every Tuesday morning plus notifications about training, fireside, a new video that we might have out. But it's actionable and it's useful and it's concise. And that's.
really what you need from an information source concise and action
Jeff Dudan (56:51.374)
Well, people won't have a problem finding you. And as always, I have been Jeff Duden with Chris Voss, and we have been on the home front, simply building the world's most responsible franchise platform, encouraging entrepreneurs to take action and transform their life. This sounds like you. Check us out today at HomefrontBrands.com and start your next chapter of greatness, building your dynasty on the home front. I will be looking for you here. Thank you.
Jeff Dudan (57:21.854)
Awesome, just let this upload for just a second if you don't mind. I'd hate to lose it. Oh man, I hope I get to run into you someday in person.
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